


What do you choose to believe?

by honeyeyedstranger



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Minor Obi-Wan Kenobi/Reader, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:09:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 15,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27464701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeyeyedstranger/pseuds/honeyeyedstranger
Summary: Reader grows up alongside Jedi Anakin Skywalker. They face many ups and downs growing up, (many, many downs), but as the force would have it, you cannot be apart. You find yourself involved in many facets of Anakin's life, sometimes even without your say. Even so, you would do anything for the jedi. Even go against the council, the very people who gave you an opportunity for a better life. Sometimes fate is unavoidable.
Relationships: Anakin Skywalker/Reader, Obi-Wan Kenobi/Reader, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 42
Kudos: 123





	1. Chapter 1

You had first heard of Anakin through a debrief amongst the council. Your master had allowed you to sit in one of their meetings as a reward for your hard work. Even Master Yoda had to agree you were one of the best younglings who have gone through training in a long time.

Master Mace was the first one to bring it up.

"I would like to bring up the issue of Obi-Wan taking on Anakin as a padawan. Isn't he a little too old to take up training?"

"Yes, old he is," Master Yoda murmured deep in thought. "However, strong in the force, he is."

"This is true. I've sensed it myself. And he is quite handy. I imagine he might make himself quite useful around the temple. But I think the real question is whether or not Obi-Wan is ready so soon after losing his master."

After this comment your Master realized that perhaps this part of the meeting is not something you should be a part of. So they led you out quickly after that.

The next day you realized they had come to a decision as you stared at the blond boy across the hall from your dorm. The hallway was empty except for you two. It seems like he was having difficulty getting into his quarters.

He swiped his hand across the keypad, exactly the way his Master Obi-Wan had taught him. But it only chirped an error message of, "Try again." He huffed in annoyance but did just that. "Try again," it droned. You took this little opportunity to look him over.

His blond hair was shaped like a bowl around his head, and he was quite lanky. You wondered if his mother couldn't afford to professionally have his hair cut, so she went for the unconventional method of using a bowl. You couldn't help but crack a smile.

Even so, it instilled a sense of longing for your own mother. You haven't seen her in quite some time and your busy training schedule didn't really leave much time to think about her.

A louder huff of annoyance reached your ears. You took pity after the 7th "try again", message. You silently moved next to him, grabbing his hand.

"It's sensitive," you remarked. You wiped his hand on his tunic. "And your hand is sweaty." You took his hand and swiped it across the pad and his door opened with a swoosh. His mouth dropped open in surprise.

"Oh," he breathed, tiredly. You couldn't help a small giggle from escaping.

"Looks like we're neighbors. You must be Anakin." He turned to look at you and his cheeks tinted slightly pink. Your looks certainly rivaled Padmé's. But his heart was already stolen earlier that week, but he always suspected that if he had met you first, things would have been very different. You introduced yourself and he shook your hand. "I'll let you rest now. The first day of training makes you feel like you took a beating. I suggest an ice bath, Anakin." With that, you whirled around and walked the three feet to your room.

Anakin said your name and you turned to look at him. "Obi-Wan gave me some board games. He says they could help jumpstart my mental training. Do you want to…" he trailed off. You smiled and closed your door behind you as you trekked the three feet across the hall again.

"I would love to."

You became fast friends after that. Until he caught up in his training, that is.

"He is quite remarkable, a quick learner," Master Windu commented reluctantly, watching from the sidelines as Anakin took down another opponent.

"I like to think he is taking an accelerated course," Obi-Wan joked lightly. He felt proud nonetheless.

"One of the best we've seen in quite a long time. He is truly proving to be the chosen one," someone else commented. You felt a pang of jealousy at that last comment. But you felt immediately guilty after. Jealousy is a surefire way to the dark side.

Master Windu turned to leave but accidentally bumped into you. "Oh, pardon me, Padawan." Master Obi-Wan turned to look at you, his eyes brightening as an idea came to him.

"You are easily one of the best. Would you like to challenge Anakin to a session?" You wish you could say you were not so eager. But you immediately picked up a training saber. Obi-Wan slightly smirked but nodded as he guided you across the room. You shouldn't have felt so eager to see Anakin's eyes widened in surprise when he came face to face to his new opponent. "And begin."

Anakin took a hesitant swipe at you but you decended with multiple swipes at him. He took a step back, seemingly on the defensive.

"Fight back, Anakin!" You yelled at him.

"I don't want to hurt you," he said, expertly blocking another blow from you.

"Trust me, you won't," you said with a smirk on your face. Anakin paused as he took in your expression. You saw the opportunity to come down on him with what would be considered a fatal blow when you suddenly felt yourself fly backwards into the wall. You gasped as you felt the wind knocked out of you. Anakin shouted your name in shock and ran toward you.

"I'm so sorry! I didn't know that would happen." He tried to help you up but you pushed his hands away.

"Don't touch me!" You said, your face red with humiliation. You observed the Masters looking at one another with uneasy looks.

"Please, I'm so sorry," you heard him say again. But you ignore him as you walk past him, throwing down your saber. You headed to your quarters, not missing the whispers coming from the Masters.

"I think he is officially ahead of his age group. Maybe it is time for private training."

You avoided Anakin after that. He did try to speak to you a few times but you brushed him off, seemingly not over the training incident. So he stopped trying.

You did run into him a few times in the hall but you didn't even spare each other a glance.

Until that fateful day of training.

He was in one corner of the training room, speaking to one of the other padawans.

"So what is it like to be the chosen one?" The other asked, gleefully. There was a slight smirk on his face. You realized he thrived on the attention. And for some reason that enraged you to no end. You picked up a training saber, trying to calm your emotions. You took a deep breath and began practicing some forms.

"It's nothing. I'm just on a slightly more advanced timeline than you." You tightened your grip on the saber, trying not to listen into the conversation across the room.

"I heard how you defeated her," the other padawan not so expertly whispered to him. Surely they weren't referring to you, you had thought.

"She never stood a chance. It's not her fault." You stiffened in outrage and whirled around to face them. Anakin's back straightened as he took in your expression. You swear you don't even remember what happened next.

Master Windu had said you threw your saber with such deadly accuracy that had you not had the intention of spearing Anakin, it would have made him proud. So instead it earned you a reprimand from Master Yoda.

You swung your legs on the chair as he sat across the table from you. You couldn't look up at him to make eye contact.

"Not upset, I am. Disappointed, yes." You flinched, the words making your stomach swoop in anxiety. "Punishment, you will have."

"I know, Master. I'm willing to accept whatever it is." He took a deep breath as he observed you.

"These feelings of anger, they stem from jealousy, yes?" You felt your face heat up in embarrassment. "No need to be embarrassed, Padawan. Natural, it is. Solution, I have." You looked up at him in confusion. "Mission you will go on, with Obi-Wan and Anakin. Learn to get along, you must." You wanted to protest but felt you had already done enough that day. So you just nodded glumly.

"Yes, Master Yoda."

So that was how you found yourself seated inside Master Obi-Wan's ship, Anakin at your side. The expression on his face told you he was just as excited as you were. In short, not that much.

"Your mission is quite simple," Master Obi-Wan intoned.

"Wait, ours?" Anakin asked.

"Yes. I will be waiting here in the ship as both of you complete the mission."

You were only supposed to pick up some supplies from local merchants.

"This sounds really easy," Anakin muttered. You didn't reply as you pulled your rugsack over your shoulders.

"May the force be with you, Padawans. Oh, and before I forget," he handed you both a blaster.

"A blaster?" You blurted out. Anakin gives Obi-Wan a worried look.

"Not to worry. They are both on stun. Have fun!" He said all too enthusiastically as he pushed both of you out.

"Why would I worry?" You thought out loud, turning the blaster in your hands.

"He was talking to me. The last time you held a weapon you tried to spear me."

"Oh, yeah," you said. You shrug and clip the blaster to your belt. "Let's go."

Turns out, it was not an easy mission.

"Blast it!" Anakin yelled as the loth-cat pinned him down.

"But it's kinda cute!" You say teasingly. He yells in frustration. You smirk as you stun the creature.

"Seriously! What took you so long?" He pushed the animal off himself. You couldn't help but laugh at his appearance. His clothes were dirty and mud streaked across his face. His hair was sticking up in random places. He growled as he tackled you to the ground. You laughed harder and you tried pinning each other down. Eventually you both tired out and laid there on the ground, panting staring up at the darkening sky.

"I'm sorry, Anakin." He looked over at you in surprise.

"For what?" He asked hesitantly. 

"Well, for one, attempting to kill you."

"Already forgotten." You lifted yourself on your elbows and looked over at him.

"Really?"

"No, every time I see a weapon in your hand I feel the urge to run for it," he said. You nodded. "But we can pretend."

"Let's pretend."

"And I'm sorry for throwing you into that wall."

"I forgave you a long time ago," you quip, laying back down on the ground.

"It didn't feel like it."

"Well, you got really annoying with you being the chosen one and all that. So I found a different reason to hate you." Anakin laughed at that. You both laid there in another comfortable silence. 

You reached across the space between both of you and grabbed his hand. You gave him a reassuring squeeze as he smiled up at the sky.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

You can't quite pinpoint the moment you start developing feelings for Anakin. But you can sure pinpoint the moment you realized you did.

Since you were young you've always had an intense distrust of people. You were pretty sure it stemmed from your father's side of the family. They were made up of mostly conmen. And it was a path you were sure to follow until your first runin with the jedi. That's when your mother realized you could have so much more in life. So just as any sane mother would, she sent you off in search of that better life.

So you've always questioned everyone's intentions when it came to you. But strangely enough, you never questioned Anakin's.

On every mission he went on, he made sure to never come back empty-handed. On his latest mission, he brought back a plant of an exotic flower. "I think this would look great on your desk by the window," he had said. You took it without hesitation and placed it exactly where he suggested. The trinket he bought off a rodian in the black market you wear around your wrist. And the handmade blanket he watched get stitched together for 4 hours sits neatly folded at the foot of your bed. You never questioned if he had ulterior motives every time he presented you with a gift.

But you realized that with every gift, and with every thought he put into it, you fell a little bit more for him. Sometimes you caught yourself staring at his face a little longer than what was necessary, and you were pretty sure he noticed a few times. But being the kind person that he is, he never said a word.

He was just a sweet boy in general. And it certainly didn't help that he had grown up to be quite the looker. 

And boy, did he know it.

He would flirt relentlessly with the locals, and that was on the missions you went on. Sometimes he'd catch himself flirting with you but you would put him in his place quickly. Sometimes he couldn't help himself. And it did nothing to help your feelings.

It was these feelings that kept you up deep in thought late at night.

You knew that these romantic feelings are strictly forbidden by the code. So you do some meditation to try to alleviate the anxiety in your belly. Obviously to no avail.

You sighed in disappointment as you rubbed your face vigorously in frustration. You thought maybe a walk might help. You had quickly put on your shoes and made your way down the halls, trying to clear your mind.

You bumped into Master Yoda in one of the hallways.

"Cannot sleep?" He asked gently. You nodded. He guided you to a small seating area. "Conflict, I sense within you. Tell me, if you choose."

You felt the words spilling out of you before you could stop them.

"I have these feelings for Anakin and I feel so guilty because I know it's against the jedi code and I'm trying to meditate them away but I feel like it's making worse which is so confusing and Master Yoda tell me what to do," you say all in one breath. Master Yoda paused in surprise.

"Not what I expected, that was," he said in all seriousness. You let out a small laugh but then groaned in frustration. You buried your face in your hands. "You are only human. Feelings like these, natural they are. Guilty, you should not feel." You looked over at him, with hope in your eyes. "Trust in the force, you must. Meditation helps, yes. Perhaps some distance can help, yes?" Your shoulders slumped in defeat.

"That's the last thing I want, Master. I value his friendship above all else. There was a time when I hated his guts. Surely you remember my half-hearted attempt on his life?"

Master Yoda giggled. "Clearly, I remember. And not half-hearted, I remember."

"Well, even so, that time apart, it was soul crushing. We are meant to be at each other's side."

"The force wills it, yes," he said, thoughtfully. "Conflict, I see." He hums, deep in thought. "Proceed carefully, perhaps there is a reason. Meditate in the force, I will."

Later that week you are sent on a mission with Master Obi-Wan and Anakin that changed the course of your life. 

You received the answer you were looking for but not in the manner you expected.

You were sent to protect Padme, the queen of Naboo. Apparently Anakin and Padme had already met before. But something unusual happened. Instead of his smooth shameless flirting, something you continuously witnessed, he blundered and stuttered when speaking to her. It made you raise an eyebrow in question at him. He shrugged in response to your silent question.

It was late at night when you took another of your meditative walks when you walked in on the two of them. They were sitting in a resting area in the palace.

Padme had her hand on his arm, her head thrown back in laughter. He stared down at her, with a look on his face that you can only describe as awe. Your belly did that uncomfortable swoop again, but this time in dread. You've seen that look before. It was the same look you would see on your parents face when they looked at each other when they thought the other one was not looking.

You turned away without a sound, heading back toward your assigned room, trying to ignore the sound of their laughter behind you.

Perhaps that is what you needed to see to halt your feelings in their tracks. 

You knew one thing for sure.

Anakin can never know of your feelings. For as long as you breathe, you swear to carry it to your grave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story doesn't really have a structure to it, I'm sure you've noticed. So think of it as a retelling of events with the reader's input.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Ok, so you thought your feelings had halted in their tracks.

The frustration of your situation made you break away from the training room, telling Obi-Wan you were going to meditate. But when you got there, it proved fruitless so you started taking your frustration out on some decommissioned Separatist droids you found lying around.

Master Obi-Wan had come to check in on you when he heard the loud clanging of metal.

"You meditate quite loudly," Master Obi-Wan commented. You had let out a humorless chuckle as you let go of the saber in your hand.

"Sorry, I did have the intention to meditate but my concentration is quite poor today. So I decided to hit some things," you said, motioning toward the dismantled droids.

"An admirable feat," Obi-Wan nodded in approval. "Speaking of, I'm glad to see you and Anakin are getting along so well. You had a rocky start. I know he can be quite the handful." You fight off the smile that threatened to come onto your face at the mention of his name. Obi-Wan observed you quietly as you picked up a few scattered droid parts. "I sense conflict within you."

"You have no idea," you muttered.

"Dealing, she is. Quite extraordinary, she is," Master Yoda quipped as he entered the room.

"Master," Obi-Wan greeted. Master Yoda nodded at him.

"Master Windu, searching for you, he is." Obi-Wan nodded and went on his way.

You looked over at Master Yoda with a sheepish smile on your face. "I fear I've called some attention to myself. These feelings might be more obvious than you led me to believe." He laughed.

"Trust in the force, you must."

"Yes, Master."

And for a while you are able to tune out your feelings for Anakin. You run a few successful missions together, sometimes even on your own.

One of those missions led you to Coruscant together. You watch from the corner of your eye as Senator Padme and Anakin greet one another. You both had just got off the shuttle. You don't see much as Obi-Wan guides you away to meet the rest of Padmé's security team.

One of the soldiers on the team leered at you unashamedly. You tried to ignore his wandering eyes, even going as far as shaking his hand, giving him the benefit of the doubt. But when you tried pulling your hand away, he held on tight. You glared at him yanking his hand out his grip. You open your mouth ready to go off on him when a voice speaks behind you.

"Everything alright here?" Anakin asked, having quite clearly seen the incident. You felt your face flush in embarrassment but you brushed him off, not wanting to make a scene.

"Everything's fine." You sent one last death glare at the soldier and continued on your way into the building.

After various security meetings you were bored out of your mind, ready to head to bed. But even then you were sure as soon as your head hit the pillow you would find sleep very difficult.

"Go get some rest. Tomorrow we will enact the plan," the head of security dismissed everyone. You watched as the Senator and Anakin left the room together. You sighed profoundly as you made your way to your quarters. After various twists and turns you finally made it to the hallway where your room was. But something blocked the way. Someone. Two someones, to be exact.

It was Anakin and Padme kissing, quite passionately, you might add. You gasp, covering your mouth abruptly, turning away from them. Anakin had already heard you, however. He shouted your name in surprise.

You turn back around and you both stare at each other wide eyed. Him, for having been caught. You, for the piercing pain in your heart. He opens his mouth to say something but you didn't wait to hear a response, you took off running.

If Anakin asks, it was because of the shock. But really, it was because you didn't want him to see the tears in your eyes.

Who knew heartbreak would hurt so much?

He found you later in your temporary quarters. You avoided making eye contact with him.

"I know what you're thinking," he said without preamble.

"No, you don't." He really has no idea.

"Please don't tell." You nearly got whiplash turning to look at him. "Please," he said your name pleadingly.

"I won't. I promise," you swore. His shoulders slumped forward in defeat. He gently pulled you into a hug.

"Thank you," he whispered over your shoulder. Your mind was reeling at his proximity but even then, you couldn't help the jealousy rearing its ugly head.

For the next few days, you found yourself observing the Senator more than usual. You even found yourself comparing each other. Seeds of insecurity slowly sowed themselves into your head.

Of course Anakin would fall in love with her. She's so trendy and gorgeous. Meanwhile I'm here being my most drab self. These thoughts would not leave your head.

You tried meditating more than usual to rid yourself of these negative feelings. You could almost hear Master Yoda warning you, Jealousy could lead you onto the path to the dark side.

You hated these feelings of resentment towards the Senator. Not only were they clouding your judgment, you truly believed the Senator was a lovely person.

At least if her constant, unrelenting invitations for tea were anything to go by. You felt guilty rejecting so many of her invitations over the course of your stay. You finally accepted after being fed up with your insecure thoughts.

When you went to meet her, she took you by surprise. She was dressed down and even then you couldn't help but notice how stunning she was. Her face was clear from makeup and her hair was down.

She poured you a cup of tea and you both just instantly hit it off.

"I'm sorry you caught us that way," she said after hours of girl-talk. "Ani always wanted to tell you, but he just couldn't bring himself to. He didn't know how you would take it. He says you're a faithful follower of the jedi code. It's very admirable," she complimented you. Your cheeks tinged the slightest color.

Well, she certainly knew how to charm a person.

"It's nice to have girl-talk, you know? I'm constantly surrounded by men all the time, it's nice to have a friend," you admitted to her.

You left her chambers feeling a little in love with her yourself. You shook your head in disbelief. As you turned to leave, you ran straight into someone. It was the leering soldier you met when you arrived.

"Hello," he purred. Your lip curled in disgust as you tried walking around him. He grabbed your arm. "I like it when a girl plays hard to get." You took a steadying breath. You don't think causing a scene is very jedi like.

"Let go of me."

"I know you don't mean that, Kitten. Come on, let me show you a good time. My room is just around the corner." Ok, I think this is justifiable. You whirled around, ready to beat some sense into him when you heard Padmé's voice behind you. 

"Release her. Right now," she spoke in a stern voice that made him let go of you immediately.

"Senator!" He shouted, clearly not expecting her. "This isn't what it looks like."

"You dare disrespect a woman in my own home, soldier? Am I not your superior?"

"Yes, my lady, of course-"

"Then how exactly do you think this was going to end?" He dropped his head in shame.

"Forgive me, my lady-"

"You are forgiven." His shoulders slump in relief. "But you are dismissed. If I ever see your face again, I will have you arrested. And if you didn't know, which I'm sure you do, since you worked for me, I have friends in some very high places who know some very questionable people who do some very questionable things. Do with that what you will." He took off running. You watched as he disappeared around the corner. You couldn't help the small giggle that escaped you. You turned to look at Padme.

"OK, I'm seriously considering fighting off Anakin to keep you for myself." Padmé's eyes brightened in happiness.

"Seriously," she said, "I am so glad you're here."

You realized you could never resent Padme. And you're not sure if you're relieved about that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie, I'm kinda in love with Padme LOL


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

You finally were a jedi knight. And Anakin was going stir crazy with his new Padawan.

You three were on a mission that had totally gone wrong. And now you were flying away, trying to live to see another day. Some of the Separatists ships were gaining on you.

"Snips, seriously let me fly. You're going to get us killed!"

"Master, you have to teach me some time! There's no time like the present!" Ahsoka says, pulling on the steer, sending the ship diving sharply. Your stomach swooped uncomfortably at the sudden movement.

"Ok, but Ahsoka, we don't want to die today!" Your hands tightened on the arms of your seat. Anakin turned to look at you with disbelief in his eyes.

"This is all your fault!"

"What?" You screech in outrage. "How is this my fault? You're the one who said, 'Ahsoka, take the wheel'!" 

"But you're the one going on about how privileged she is to be a woman in the jedi order! Now look at her! She's gone solo!"

"How is that my fault?! You should be proud you're teaching a very independent padawan!"

"Yes, so independent she's trying to kill us!"

"That doesn't even make sense!" You yelled back at him, clutching the straps of your seatbelts tightly.

"Well, excuse me my brain is so scrambled because I'm about to die!" 

"Hey, Mom and Dad! Settle down, will you? And strap in. This is about to get fun." You and Anakin exchange worried looks once more.

"Ahsoka, please tone down on the fancy flying. I'm about to hurl the lunch we so nicely enjoyed," you said as you made sure your straps were secure.

She sent you a smile over her shoulder.

Needless to say, you swore to yourself you would never get back on a ship with Anakin and Ahsoka.

"You ok?" Ahsoka asked you as you fell down on your knees outside the temple. You had just walked off the ship.

"Ahsoka, I'm very proud of you. But I'm never letting you fly again. At least not when I'm around." She smiled down at you.

"Whatever you say, Mom."

It wasn't until later when you realized what she had said. It was a great thing, too since your face erupted into flames at the thought. You smiled at the idea of how Anakin, Ahsoka, and you were a little family unit.

Sure you had left behind your family, but you sure did find a new one where you least expected it.

After a quick debrief, you all broke off and headed in different directions. You decided that after all the excitement that day, you've earned a nap.

Up in your room, you watched from your window how Anakin corrected Ahsoka's fighting forms. The sight of them left you with a very sudden sense of longing. And it was that feeling that took you by surprise. You were able to tune it out for quite some time but sometimes it would come back and knock you off your feet when you least expected it.

You realize something else, too. When you were younger, your longing for Anakin was much more innocent. But as you were getting older, it had become readily apparent that your feelings had evolved into something more physical.

Your thoughts started to stray as you observed how Anakin moved, almost with a certain grace. And should you dare say it, he almost had you entranced. 

A few more moments passed when he suddenly whipped around to look up at your window. You realized you must have been projecting your feelings toward him. At this realization you threw yourself onto the ground, out of his sight.

Your eyes widened in shock as you processed what happened. Maybe he didn't see me. You gnawed painfully on your bottom lip. Stars, I need to control my thoughts. And he's with Padme! What's the matter with me?

Hours later, there was a knock at your door and you debated with yourself on whether you should answer it. A voice said your name through the door. Just as you feared, it was Anakin. Your shoulders slumped in defeat as you stood up and opened the door. The burning in your cheeks returned. But it disappeared just as quickly as you took in the state of him.

"What's wrong?" You asked him, immediately on edge.

"My mother was kidnapped. I have to go," he said, clearly fighting off tears. You nodded, understandingly.

"Do you want me to go with you?" He stared at you for a moment before shaking his head. "Well, you can't go alone! Who else is going with you? Why don't you take Padme, at least?" He sighed as he mulled it over. He nodded reluctantly as he agreed. You pulled him in for a hug.

"I'll be back in a few days, you won't even notice I'm gone," he said, trying to cheer you up.

"I always notice," you said, without thinking. He didn't respond except but to pull you in tighter.

A few days passed quietly with no incident. Master Yoda had you teaching some basic forms with the younglings and that took your mind off Anakin for a few days.

You were in the courtyard of the temple when you saw Anakin's ship arrive overhead. You quickly dismiss the younglings as you go off looking for him.

He was nowhere to be found.

Confused, you head to your room, figuring you'd find him tomorrow. You opened your door and you were startled as you found him resting on your bed.

By the looks of it, he seemed exhausted, if the darkness underneath his eyes were anything to go by. You sighed softly as you pulled your blankets further up around him.

You smiled softly at the sight of him, it brought you back to the days you both were padawans with nothing to worry about. 

You pulled up a chair next to his head and grabbed a book. One of your hands was in his hair, stroking mindlessly as you read.

Hours later you startled awake as you felt something flutter against your cheek. Your head was resting on the bed but you were still sitting on the chair. His hand rested on your cheek. He looked a lot better.

"Hi," you said as you stood up, observing him. "Everything ok?" He inhaled sharply as he thought back on the past few days.

"She's, uh, dead," he said without preamble. Your hands flew to your mouth in shock.

"Anakin!" You said in disbelief. "I'm sorry," you said wrapping your arms around him. He didn't respond, a stoic look on his face. You pulled away, taking in the look in his eyes.

You realize that something about him has changed. You can't quite put your finger on it, but it's something that he never got back as the years passed.

A few days passed after that ordeal.

"I need a favor," he said quickly.

"Uh…" you started to say as he grabbed your hand and practically dragged you out to an awaiting shuttle. "What is happening right now?" His leg was shaking as the shuttle took off to your destination.

"Not here," he whispered to you. You furrowed your eyebrows but said nothing. When you arrived at your destination, Padmé's home, he ushered you inside. You were quickly pulled aside by some of Padmé's servants and they guided you to her chambers.

"Padme, what is happening? What's with all the secrecy-" When you caught sight of her your breath caught in your throat.

She was wearing an all white gown and her hair was down in elegant curls. She was the epitome of a blushing bride.

She smiled when she saw you. She shouted your name ⁶cheerfully and signaled to her servants all around her. They immediately all moved around you, one pulling you into a chair. They pulled out various dresses to put up against your skin as another started combing through your hair.

The intention was unmistakable. Padme settled on a yellow dress that had embroidered pink roses.

Your heart thudded harshly against your chest as you stood alongside Anakin at their makeshift wedding. R2 and 3P0 standing nearby both chattering excitedly. Later you would ask yourself how you even found the strength to stand there, watching the love of your life marry the woman of his dreams. Because in that moment, all you could focus on was how dry your mouth was and was the ground swaying?

3P0 must have seen this because he stood very close to you, enough to allow you to lean on him. You will forever be grateful to that annoying droid because surely you would have fallen over and possibly cracked your skull on the concrete balcony. And honestly, at that point in time would that have been a terrible thing?

You signed their marriage license as their witness. You were pretty sure your hand shook to the point your signature was illegible.

That night only when you were back in your own room, underneath your blanket, underneath the very blanket Anakin brought back from one of his very first missions, did you allow yourself to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love reading your comments!


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

It was a series of events that made you start to question your loyalty to the jedi order.

And they all involved Anakin.

The first few incidents, you didn't even realize what it was you were doing.

Anakin was in a meeting room, on a holocall with Padme. You exchanged many pleasantries with her and Padmé jokingly asked if you were taking care of her husband.

"You know I'm always babysitting him. This one goes searching headfirst for trouble, as you well know. He's for sure _the Chosen One_ for that." Anakin protested at your response. He crossed his arms as you let out a loud laugh. Padmé cackled at his reaction. He glared at you for a split second before laughing too.

"You're still sore about me being the Chosen One?"

"I'll never let you forget it," you vowed to him. He rolled his eyes.

You excused yourself and left the room, running straight into Obi-Wan.

"Is Anakin in there? I've been looking all over for him. What is he doing?" He tried to step around you but you stood in his way.

"Oh, yes! He's, actually, uh, meditating right now!" You lied, your eyes darting to the left. The lie came so easily to you, it startled you.

"I see," Obi-Wan said, stroking his beard. He observed you for a moment. "So what were you doing in there?" You froze at his question.

"Well, I actually was looking for him, too and he's kinda in a mood right now, you know how he gets sometimes. And he snapped at me for interrupting him so that's why I was leaving. Trust me, Master, you don't want to disturb him right now." He stared at you for a few more moments before sighing.

"When you see him next please tell him to come see me."

"Will do, Master." He started making his way down the hall and your shoulders slumped forward in relief. He suddenly turned around and said your name. Your back straightened in surprise. You turned to look at him in expectation.

"And, remind me to never bring you on any covert operations. You're a terrible liar." With that he walked away.

"Yes, Master," you said, having lost your resolve now. "I know."

There were various close calls like these that had you lying left and right in order to conceal Anakin's whereabouts. There was even one day he was late to a meeting and knowing how inseparable you two were, the council asked you if you knew where he was. You were not proud of yourself that day.

In fact when they all accepted whatever bogus lie you had said without question, you realized what an expert liar you had become. And you did not like it one bit. What sort of jedi did that make you?

So after that particular meeting you pulled Anakin aside.

"Thank you for covering for me, by the way. I overslept and it took awhile for me to sneak out of Padmé's apartment."

"Anakin, stop. We need to talk."

"What's wrong?" He asked suddenly, his full attention on you.

"My quarters," you whispered to him.

In your room, you whirled around to face him. "I can't keep covering for you. You're putting me in a tough spot."

"What do you mean?" He asked, sitting on the foot of your bed.

"I'm keeping all your secrets from the council. Padmé, your marriage," you whispered that last part. "I find myself lying so easily nowadays for you. What sort of jedi does that make me, Anakin? I want to be a dedicated jedi who helps the galaxy but how can I do that when I'm aiding and abetting every transgression of yours?"

He jumped to his feet. "Wait-"

"No, I can't do this anymore! We have to tell the council," you tried to push past him to the door, suddenly feeling very anxious about the entire situation.

"We can't do that!" He shouted at you, grabbing you by the shoulders.

"Why not?" You shouted back. He released you and buried his face in his hands. He sighed deeply as he looked back up at you.

"I'm sorry for putting you in a tough spot. Look, don't take this the wrong way but I know you don't understand what it is like to love someone the way I love Padme. ( _Wrong._ ) But she's my everything. I mean, she's literally the best part of my entire day. I don't know how to describe it to you. But she's the reason my heart is beating. She's the sun and I'm like a barren ice planet. I honestly cannot breathe without her lingering scent on my clothes! Can you honestly tell me why the jedi order would think loving someone this way, unconditionally, wholeheartedly is wrong?"

You stared at him, your mouth wide open, shaking your head.

"Because I don't! Why is something like this forbidden?" He grabbed you by the shoulders and literally tried to shake some sense into you. "Why is love forbidden?"

"I-" you scrambled to find an answer but realized you honestly did not have one. He released you after a few moments of you scrambling for an answer, ultimately just slumping forward in defeat. He observed you for a moment, an unreadable emotion in his eyes.

"Do you think what Padme and I have is wrong?" He asked quietly.

"No!" You blurted out immediately, surprised at how quickly you could answer that. And it's what you truly believed.

"Do you see?" He asked, helplessly.

You stared into his eyes for a moment before looking away. You wrapped your arms around yourself.

You never would have thought Anakin Skywalker was going to be the one to make you question your loyalty to the order who had done nothing but give you the opportunity for a better life.

That conversation with Anakin was the first seed of many that sowed its way into your mind. 

The first seed of doubt.

"I'm sorry," you said to him. He pulled you in for a hug.

"There is nothing to apologize for." Tears slowly made their way down your face.

"Your secret is safe with me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this conversation between Anakin and the reader is very important. *hint hint* LOL Thank you so much for reading! I really enjoy reading your comments! Next week's chapter kinda got away from me so I might release it in 2 parts. At the same time? I haven't decided yet.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Padme called you into her office one day.

"Close the door behind you, will you?" She whispered, panic clearly on her face. This put you on instant alert, you felt for your saber at your belt. You closed the door quickly.

"What's wrong? Are you ok?" You asked quickly. She put her finger to her lips, effectively silencing you. She put her ear against the door, seemingly listening to see if there was anyone there. "Padme?" You mouthed. Satisfied no one was listening in, she broke out into a huge smile. "Ok, now you're scaring me."

"I need to share something with you. But you can't tell Anakin."

"Ooo, girl gossip is so hard to come by nowadays. Give it to me straight, Padmé. I'm ready," you leaned in in interest. She giggled as she glanced behind her once more as she grabbed your hand and pulled you further into her office. You stared at her expectantly, waiting.

"I'm expecting." Your jaw drops in shock. "I had to tell someone!" Your shock wears off when you scream joyfully as you wrap your arms around her. "Shh, not so loud!" She shushed you, nervously laughing. She glanced back at the door. "In hindsight this is probably not the best place to tell someone, but it was eating me alive!"

"Padmé, I'm so happy for you!" You say beaming in pride.

One of your clearest memories with your mother was her telling you a child is always a blessing and something to be celebrated. And you couldn't help but feel so happy for your friend.

Suddenly the door flung open and guards entered, their blasters at the ready. You whirled around and stepped in front of Padmé, your saber already held up ready to defend your friend to the death.

"Senator, we heard screaming, are you alright?" One of the guards asked, unsteady as they took in the sight of you with your lightsaber pointing menacingly in their direction. You clear your throat sheepishly as you retract your saber.

"I apologize, that was me. I, uh, stubbed my toe." All five guards turned to look at your feet, clad in steel toed boots. Padmé muffled her laughter behind you.

"Everything is fine, thank you. Your response was exemplary." They all slowly retreated but not without sending a few bewildered looks your way. When they closed the door behind them, you and Padmé shared a look and burst into howling laughter.

That night you couldn't stop smiling at Anakin. And he took notice.

You were both sitting on his balcony, legs dangling over the edge as you admired the night sky.

"Ok, you're officially creeping me out. Do you know something?"

"No," you say, unsuccessfully trying to wipe the grin off your face. "I'm just very happy. For you." He gave you a strange look. "Because you're happy, of course." He narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

"Are you on something?" He leaned in searching your eyes for an answer. "And if so, what is it and why haven't you shared? I thought we were friends." You chortled, elbowing him. You suddenly wrapped your arms around him tightly. "Ok, seriously, what is with you?"

You shook your head at him, a goofy smile on your face. "Anakin, I love you," you blurted out. He inhaled sharply at that. "Because you're one of my best friends. And you're right," you continue quickly. "Love is not wrong. So I love you, Anakin Skywalker." He paused for a moment taking in your words. A smile slowly broke out onto his face.

"I love you, too," he says, without hesitation. And for a gleeful moment you pretended he was saying this to you under different circumstances. But the longing never came for you that night. As you leaned into him, his arm around you, you realized that this was never going to be your love story.

It was always Anakin's and Padmé's.

And you had finally come to terms with that.

….

In the current political climate, Padmé never held back her opinion, and that always put you on edge. You had picked up on rumors of a Separatist attack on the senate.

So under Obi-Wan's guidance, you set a plan in motion to protect the senate at all costs.

Of course, you also had the ulterior motive of protecting Padme and her unborn child. But Obi-Wan didn't need to know that. Yet.

And Padmé, being the strong independent woman that she was, of course put up quite the fight. She didn't think it was worth the resources.

"Padmé, these are just a few extra precautions. A couple extra guards and I never leave your side."

"Just a few?" She chuckled. "You don't have to do this, you know."

"I know, but I would feel infinitely better if I was there with you. Besides, it's not just your life at stake here," you said, your eyes glancing down between you, your meaning obvious. A small smile came onto her face.

"Ok, ok, you got me there."

Everything had started without a hitch.

The extra troopers you had brought with were making their rounds, checking in just as required, when suddenly the comlink in your ear flared up.

"We got a problem," one of the troopers said in your ear. "There's a bomb."

You immediately lept into action grabbing Padmé by the shoulders, practically handing her off to a group of troopers. She was beyond confused in response to the bustle of sudden movement all around her.

You were barking orders left and right as they tried to calmly evacuate the building. You heard someone scream your name and you turned to find Padmé fighting off some of the troopers.

"What is happening? Let me help you!"

"I'm sorry, Padmé," you genuinely apologized as you signaled some troopers to physically remove her. One of them practically threw her over their shoulder. Her scream of outrage echoed in your ears as you walked away.

One of the troopers found the bomb and you ran to it, already trying to think of ways to dismantle it.

After several nerve wracking minutes you finally dectivated it. You let out a breath of relief when your eyes suddenly honed in on the antenna connected to the bomb.

Your eyes widened as you realized there could very well be more explosives in the building. You turned to shout a warning to one of the troopers when suddenly there was a loud explosion and then everything turned white.

…

A couple of hours later, outside of the building, Anakin's heart was pounding painfully in his chest as he took in the scene in front of him.

He was off planet on a mission on his own when he received the news that the Senate building was attacked. He immediately abandoned his post and jumped into hyperspace to make his way back.

He saw Padme in the care of some medics but she seemed relatively unscathed, if a little agitated with all the fussing. His shoulders slumped in relief.

When she caught sight of him she yelled out his name. He ran to her and pulled her into his arms. She practically ripped herself out of his arms, trying to talk to him.

"She's still in there, Ani, you have to find her. What if-"

Anakin stopped listening as he felt the blood draining from his face. He felt his breath quicken at the thought of you being- 

_No. You can't be._

He felt the bile rising in his throat, as he tried to sense if you were alive but with his racing mind he couldn't concentrate.

"Anakin," his comlink voiced. It was Obi-Wan. "We're on the way with more help. Don't go in there without reinforcements. The building could be unstable."

"Understood," he replied, already grabbing a flashlight as he approached the building. 

_There is no way in hell he was going to wait._

As he walked, he thought of the people who did this and felt a rage rise within him. It bubbled hot in his stomach, the burning rage. And if you really were- well, there was no corner in this galaxy where they could hide.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drop a comment below as to what you think! And don't worry...you won't have to wait long to find out what has happened to our reader. It might be sooner than you think! 😏


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

You found yourself pinned underneath a pillar of solid marble. You were thanking your stars you pulled Padme out in time.

You tried lifting the rubble off of you using the force but it only served to unsettle it further. Blood pooled in your mouth. You felt water trickling near your ear and you swiped at it, bringing your hand up to the light, realizing it's more blood.

 _That's not good_. You tried to take a few calming breaths but even that seemed difficult. A tired smile made its way onto your face.

As a jedi, you always hoped you would die a heroic death. Guess your dream is coming true.

You don't know how much time has passed but you found yourself in some kind of trance, likely due to the blood loss. And you felt strangely cold.

It was a cold you would never forget. You felt it seeping into your bones slowly.

_I am one with the force and the force is with me._

This mantra sounded in your mind nonstop as you felt yourself falling in and out of consciousness.

The cold became unbearable to you now.

 _I have loved._

You smiled weakly at the thought of him.

_But I haven't been loved._

Tears slipped out the corners of your eyes once again. You don't know why now, out of all times, these thoughts have been brought to the forefront of your mind. You thought you were past all that.

A gasping sob escaped your mouth as you think of Anakin's face, wondering if you were ever going to witness his world change as he became a father. 

Now, in this moment, you finally admit that you want what he has. A family of your own. You wanted someone to love you the way he loves Padmé.

And the council could eat crickets for all you cared.

It was this thought that made you clench your teeth in resolve.

This was not the way you were going to die.

_This is not how my story ends._

After some time you hear someone yelling your name. You don't even find the strength to speak out. But you sensed the force reaching out to you.

Suddenly Anakin's tear-streaked face appeared above you. "I found her!" He yelled behind him. Your shaky hand reached up to his face. His tears felt hot as they fell on your face. He somehow removed all the rubble on top of you. _Of course he could. He's the chosen one._

You coughed, the blood bubbled in your mouth. He looked down at you, sadness clear on his face. You gave him a small smile, your teeth stained with blood.

"Why did you have to be the hero?" He whispered to you. Your hand caressed his cheek. He grabbed it and brought it to his lips.

Only then did you slip into full unconsciousness.

"You should've died," he said to you later, in the med bay. "You lost so much blood," he continued, "there was just no possible way to survive that." He was leaning on the doorway, his arms crossed. Underneath his cool exterior, there was something bubbling underneath the surface. It made you wary.

"My story isn't finished yet," you had told him. You silently observed him from the bed, trying to get a read on him. But his face never revealed what he was thinking.

You might have survived that dramatic ordeal but Anakin was never the same.

Looking back, you wish you realized that the coldness surrounding Anakin was the same coldness you felt underneath the rubble.

….

Ahsoka left the order after an entire fiasco of being accused of a crime she didn't commit. She was exonerated but still, she became disillusioned with the order as they didn't believe in her when she needed them the most. After growing up in the order, it was a real awakening.

Anakin did not take it well at all.

He glowered as you both stood at the jedi temple doors, watching Ahsoka walk away and you can sense the turmoil inside of him. You placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Anakin-" you began but he only turned away and stomped off.

You knew the council had made the wrong decision, when they cast her out the first time. And you had told them rightly so but they didn't budge.

You looked back at Obi-Wan and he just gave you a sad look. You shook your head at him, disappointed. You walked in the opposite direction.

The months following Ahsoka leaving, Anakin threw himself into any dangerous mission he could get on board with. It concerned you greatly as his reckless tactics seemed to raise many eyebrows in the council.

Padme even mentioned to you she had seen so much less of him.

The entire situation put you on edge so most nights at the temple you would wander instead of sleep.

You had caught Anakin wandering the halls on one of your late night escapades.

"Everything alright?" You asked, taking in the haunted look on his face. The bags under his eyes seemed dark and heavy. He didn't respond as he looked away worriedly. "Come on, I know just the thing."

You both snuck into the temple cafeteria and soon enough you had 2 steaming cups of tea and a couple of biscuits in front of both of you.

"You did this with such ease. Have you done this before?" He teased, half-heartedly as he sipped his drink carefully. You let out an embarrassed laugh as you stirred your tea. You didn't reply to his question.

"So what's going on?" You asked, without preamble. "You look shaken. And that's saying something, since you're _the chosen one_ and all that," you said innocently, sipping your tea.

"You're never letting that go, are you?" You shook your head and took a healthy bite of your biscuit. You both sat in silence for a few moments.

"Master Yoda was actually the one who showed me how to sneak in here after hours," you said in response to his previous question. "We've had some enlightening conversations over tea and biscuits, you know."

"No way," he said, refusing to believe Master Yoda would do such a thing. He started laughing.

"Yes! And I've even run into Obi-Wan a few times, too."

"No, the saint would never do such a thing!" He cackled just picturing Obi-Wan sneaking in for some biscuits.

"You'd be surprised," you said, laughing at his reaction. "We've even had some conversations about you," you tried to say nonchalantly. This made Anakin pause.

"What have they said?" He asked, almost afraid to ask.

"Nothing bad, I promise. When we still didn't get along, they just would try to guide me and give me some advice." Anakin nodded in understanding. "But lately the conversations have been about how you're becoming a little reckless." He began to protest. "I've always defended you, don't worry."

"I don't understand. Haven't I had many successes? You would think they'd be more appreciative," he grumbled. 

"They're just worried about you. _I'm_ worried about you."

"I'm perfectly fine."

"Are you?" You questioned, pointedly taking in his appearance.

"I am, I'm just-" he exhaled loudly as he leaned his head on his hands. "I've been plagued by these nightmares."

"Nightmares?" You instantly perked up at this confession. "What about?" He shook his head as if trying to clear the memory.

"About Padme. About her dying in childbirth and it scares me half to death."

"Oh, that's actually very common. It's just anxiety about the upcoming birth."

"But that's just it, what if it isn't just a dream? I've been reading in the archives about force visions and they could manifest themselves in dreams. I've even talked to the Chancellor about it and-"

"The Chancellor?" You asked, bewildered.

"Yes," he confirmed.

"I thought you said you were asked to keep an eye on him," you said, scratching your head, vaguely recalling the past conversation.

"I don't know why, he has done nothing but be kind to me. And do I even have to mention all that he has done for the Republic?"

"Well, I mean, don't you think the council asked you for a reason? They wouldn't just ask-"

"Yes, well it's not the first time the council has made some questionable decisions, isn't it?" He snapped back at you. "We've seen it first hand. We've seen it with Ahsoka-" he paused, catching himself. You stared at him in astonishment.

A beat of silence passed between the both of you.

"Anakin," you started to say carefully. "You know I care about you, right?" He didn't respond as he stared down at his cup. You reached across the table and gently placed your hand over his. "Just...tread carefully, will you?" He inhaled sharply as he pulled his hands away from you. "I don't want anything to happen to you."

"Of course," he said, more to placate you more than anything.

The very next day you were all reunited with Ahsoka, but she seemed more wary than excited.

"If circumstances were different, Anakin," you started to say, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder, "I'm sure she would've been leaping for joy."

Even so, you hadn't seen him so happy in a very long while. Especially as he regifted her sabers back to her.

But as history would have it, you all went your separate ways after that quick reunion. It was the last time all 3 of you were ever together in the same room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little 4th wall breaking there for ya! LOL
> 
> It's happening!
> 
> Let me know what you think below with a comment!


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

It was a dark day in history.

You stood in what seemed to be the aftermath of a massacre.

"I-I don't understand. They're only children. Who would do this?" You asked, falling to your knees. You pulled one of the fallen children into your lap, their lifeless eyes staring into space. Obi-Wan and Master Yoda shared a look. "What is it? Do you know?" You demanded. Obi-Wan swallowed as he sat next to you on the ground. "Obi," you said, meekly. His eyes filled with tears as he avoided your eyes. "Please," you sobbed. He put his hand on your shoulder, still unable to speak. He looked back at Master Yoda and opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out.

"It was Skywalker," Master Yoda said finally. You felt a chill run through your body. The nausea overwhelmed you.

"No! You're lying!" You turned to Obi-Wan as tears streamed down his face. "No! He wouldn't do this! He's not- Anakin would never-" Master Yoda wordlessly handed you the holopad with the security footage. 

Obi-Wan held you for the longest time as you sobbed in disbelief.

"You know what I have to do next," he said as he tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear. You grabbed his hands, clinging to him.

"Please, is there any chance to bring him back from this? Maybe Padmé can speak to him. If anyone can get through to him, it'd be her," you begged him. Obi-Wan looked at Master Yoda.

"I'm afraid he's been seduced by the dark side. It's impossible to bring him back."

The events that followed only proved that fate was inevitable.

Obi-Wan did follow Anakin to Mustafar. There, Anakin nearly killed Padmé, the love of his life. And Obi-Wan left him for dead after going toe to toe with him.

When Obi-Wan returned with Padmé in his arms, you looked to him, hope in your eyes. He only shook his head, confirming what you feared.

…

"She's asking for you," Obi-Wan said gently as you stared blankly into space. You were seated outside of Padmé's hospital room. He put a warm hand on your shoulder, bringing you back to reality. You took a deep breath and nodded. 

You walked into her room and you took in the sight with confusion. There was a medical droid at the end of her bed, a metal modesty piece covering the lower half of her body. "Padmé?" She turned to look at you, her face streaked with tears.

"He was supposed to be here," was all she said. You swallowed the lump in your throat as you approached her bedside. You grabbed her hand and squeezed reassuringly.

The next few hours were filled with Padmé screaming in pain. You tried to make her as comfortable as you could. You even took the cold towel from the droid and mopped up the sweat from her forehead and whispered praises and encouragement into her ear.

Hours later you held Luke tight in your arms as the nurse droid placed Leia next to Padmé's head. You couldn't help but notice the glaring similarities of Luke's features to his father's. 

After a few minutes a loud sob escaped Padmé. You passed Luke onto the nurse droid and sat down by her head. You gently stroked her hair, attempting to comfort her the best way you could.

It reminded you of the time you did the exact same thing with Anakin.

"Do you think it's my fault?" She asked quietly after finally settling down.

"Never," you responded, without hesitation. She tried to smile at you but when that failed she reached for your hand. You grabbed it like a lifeline. You rested your head by hers and you had slowly drifted off to a dreamless sleep.

When you woke up a couple of hours later, your hand was still clinging to hers. 

But she was gone.

…

It was Obi-Wan who suggested separating the twins. You flat out refused.

"So, what, you're going to raise them? All by yourself?" He questioned you. "It's not safe to be a jedi right now. What if you're found out?"

"I'll figure it out. I always do." You stood over Luke and Leia's makeshift cribs. You refused to even entertain the idea of them being separated. They were practically your family. Tears started to cloud your vision at the thought of them not being near you.

Obi-Wan groaned in frustration and rubbed his face in exhaustion. "You're not backing down, are you?" You didn't remove your eyes off the twins as you shook your head.

"Obi-Wan, I will fight you to the death right now. The only way you're getting these children away from me is if you step over my dead body," you looked up at him. He stared at you, stunned into total silence.

"Ok, ok," he said in defeat.

They decided Tatooine was the better option of hiding from the empire. You flung your bag over your shoulder, and you picked up Luke. You saw Obi-Wan climbing down, off the transport shuttle.

"Um, what are you doing?" You asked as he picked up Leia. "I thought you were going with Master Yoda?"

"I'm not leaving you alone," he said firmly to you.

"But- are you sure?" You questioned. "This would mean-"

"Lets just say it's our longest mission yet," he quipped. You stare up at him in shock. "You coming?" He asked, already a few steps ahead of you.

You couldn't help the small smile on your face as you watched him walk ahead of you.

In just a few days, you all settled into a small, comfortable home. You fell into an easy routine and Obi-Wan was quite surprised at how much he enjoyed the domestic life.

Caring for the twins hardly left both of you any time for yourselves. For the most part, that was a good thing. Because you feared that if you slowed down, the pain of losing your closest friends would catch up to you.

But as time passed, you and Obi-Wan started getting to know each other in ways you never imagined. 

"Ok, but," you laughed hysterically, "if I hadn't stepped in, Ahsoka definitely would have killed that boy." Obi-Wan's head was thrown back in laughter, as he recalled the ordeal. Your laughter slowly died down as you took in the sight of a relaxed Obi-Wan. You realized that you never noticed how handsome he was. The fact that his worry lines have disappeared possibly had something to do with it.

You would never trade it up for anything in the galaxy. And as fate would have it, you started to see your friend as something more.

You hardly blame yourself for that one. It was the most natural progression you had ever gone through. And Obi-Wan, although dealing with his own conflict, let you know he felt the same way.

He watched you from the doorway of the twins' bedroom. Luke had woken up from a fitful nap, seeking comfort. You pulled him in close as he buried his nose in your neck, grasping a strand of your hair in his small, chubby fist. He inhaled sharply, obviously soothed by the familiar scent of you. He settled down pretty quickly after that. An unexpected pang of longing hit Obi-Wan, watching the scene.

He stepped into the room, a small smile on his face as he approached. You looked up at him with a tired smile. You were pretty sure your hair was a mess and your clothes were in disarray. 

But to Obi-Wan, you never looked more beautiful.

All of you had become the little familial unit you always dreamed of. 

He had tucked a loose stand of hair behind your ear, reminiscent of a different time. He smiled down at Luke in your arms. His scent was something you had become accustomed to in the months you lived together. But for some reason, this time when it overwhelmed your senses, your heart leapt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Going through a rough patch with my family so this one is a little late. Even so, I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Please leave any thoughts below in a comment!


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Years of domestic bliss go by.

Luke and Leia have grown up to be quite the feisty children you expected.

"Maker, worse than his father, that one," Obi-Wan grumbled glumly. You cackled as he shut the door firmly behind him. He had just put down the twins for the night. He cracked a smile at your laughter as he pulled you away from their door. "Hush now, they're finally asleep." His eyes sparkled as he made eye contact with you, his intent obvious.

"Obi," you whispered as he pulled you close to him. He wasted no time meeting your lips.

Another door was firmly shut that night.

The next day you woke to find Obi-Wan as he observed the twins from the door of your modest home.

They were playing in the sand.

"Anakin would have an aneurysm if he saw them now," you quipped. Obi-Wan glanced back at you, surprised to see you awake so early.

"He always hated sand," he hummed in agreement. Suddenly Luke yelped out in pain. You both look over to them, Leia standing over him, hands on her hips.

"Leia threw sand in my eyes!"

"Leia," Obi-Wan said in warning. She looked sheepish as she turned back to Luke.

"Sorry, Luke," she said as she kneeled in front of him, helping him brush sand from his eyes.

"It's fine," he said glumly in response.

"Worse than their father," Obi-Wan muttered under his breath. You cracked a smile as you grabbed his hand, squeezing gently.

"I'm going to head out to the market, we're running low on some supplies. Do you two want anything?" You asked the twins.

"A meiloorun!" Leia called over her shoulder at you.

"Oh, me too!" Luke agreed hastily.

You always look back to that day, and realize that your biggest mistake was how comfortable you had gotten. Years had gone by without incident, and you admit that you had allowed yourself to relax.

If you had been more observant, you would have noticed how quiet the market had become after your arrival.

"Do you have any meilooruns today?" You asked the Rodian at his market stand. He didn't respond but only stared behind you in horror. You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion as your ears suddenly honed in on the mechanical breathing behind you. You slowly turned around.

Of course you knew who he was, the Sith Lord. You and Obi-Wan remained updated on the local empire news. But as someone grabbed you from behind, you stared up at the red tinted lenses and felt something eerily familiar about him.

It took you so much by surprise that you didn't even fight as they practically dragged you to the awaiting ship.

They strapped you down to a metal machine, as Vader stood menacingly in the room.

"Where…" his mechanical voice broke the silence in the room. "Is Kenobi?"

You stayed silent as you stared up at him.

He nodded to one of the men to his right. You screamed out in pain as an electrical current went through your body. You pant from exertion after it ended. Your head dropped in exhaustion.

"I am only just beginning, Jedi," he spat out in disgust.

Another electrical current ran through you.

…

Hours turned to days aboard the ship.

"Where is Kenobi?" He asked again. Your head hung low as your hands were tied above you. You busted into maniacal laughter.

"Aren't you getting tired of this, my Lord?" You spat out at him. He stared at you with his unseeing eyes. He paused for a moment, observing you.

He took a step in your direction and you couldn't help but flinch. A leather-clad hand grabbed you by the chin and sharply brought your face up to look at him. You stared into his unseeing red visors. He seemed to look for something in your face before dropping your head unceremoniously. He scoffed.

"I asked that about you every single day," he intoned. Your head snapped back up to look at him. "When you took after me," he continued. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "When you _lusted_ after me."

"What are you on about?" You hissed at him. "You must be more deranged than I realized."

"I asked when you would get over your feelings every single day. In the end you seemed to only cause yourself pain," he went on. "You went even as far as protecting her, do you remember? You were willing to die for the person who was in the way of your happiness."

Your heart thudded as the realization slowly started to come to you.

"Have I ever told you that had I had met you first, I'm pretty sure our circumstances would have been quite different?"

"No," you said, tears flooding your eyes. In the past days of torture, you never broke. But the thought of what he had become shattered you. "Anakin, no please," you sobbed. Your head snapped to the right as his hand came down on you.

"Never call me that," he growled. "Anakin Skywalker is dead."

You tasted the blood in your mouth.

"Now tell me what I want to know and I'll give you a merciful death. My last gift to you, _friend_ ," he spat. Your head hung as your heart broke at the thought of what became of your best friend.

"What did they do to you, _Anakin_?" He growled as your head snapped to the opposite side, your entire right side of your face left stinging in pain.

"Kenobi did this to me! He left me for dead, left me to burn!"

"No! He would never do that!" You sobbed, shaking your head frantically. He paused as he took in the state of your reaction.

"I think I finally know how to get the answers I seek." He stepped in close to you, his hands grabbing either side of your face. You felt a dark presence probing at your mind.

"No!" You tried pulling away from his grasp but he only held on tighter.

You couldn't afford him discovering Luke and Leia. So you fought back against his mental attacks.

 _Tell me where he is_ , a voice said in your head. The order never taught you how to defend yourself from an onslaught of mental attacks. They never believed that it was possible but you've begun to realize that the Dark Side is full of many surprises.

You fought hard to think of other things as he probed forcefully into your mind. There were moments you felt blinded by his strength but you locked away any thoughts of Obi-Wan and the children.

"What do you have to hide?" He hummed in a disturbing manner. "What is so important to you that you are willing to die? Where is he?" He asked more forcefully. _Where is he?_ You heard inside your head.

In a bizarre moment of pure reaction, you started to project to him a memory. You had no idea you could do that. His hands tightened around your head. You knew that he could easily crush your skull with his mechanical hands.

You thought back on that conversation you had with him. The one where he questioned why the jedi order would prohibit something such as love.

_"I mean, she's literally the best part of my entire day. I don't know how to describe it to you. But she's the reason my heart is beating. She's the sun and I'm like a barren ice planet."_

"I loved you," you whispered in pain.

_You watched quietly as you observed him teaching Ahsoka some saber forms. You were taken aback by the overwhelming feeling of affection for the both of them._

He growled in anger as he released you. He raised his hand to strike you again when a small voice interrupted him.

"My Lord. It's the Emperor. He has sent a message. He has ordered her execution."

He paused as he took in your form.

You took that time to try to gather your thoughts. You were left with a blinding migraine and your thoughts were a little scrambled in result.

"You were never one to follow orders, were you?" You asked, clearly taunting him at this point. At this you suddenly felt something grab a hold of your neck and squeeze. You looked up at him, as you clawed at the invisible hand at your throat. "What is he so afraid of? What could little, ole me do to him?" You choked out.

His hold was unrelenting. You started to see little specks of black in your vision.

"Kill me," you gasped, "and I win either way." You die, and Obi-Wan goes undiscovered. And the twins remain safe.

A few more moments go by before he released his hold on you. You collapsed, gasping for air. You heard the swish of the door as he exited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Darth Vader is here!
> 
> Leave any comment as to what you think!


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Close to a month passed by.

You were still aboard his ship, beaten to a bloody mess. You hadn't looked into a mirror yet, but you were sure your face was bruised black and blue.

He would come every day and search your mind. His nonstop attacks left your mind reeling.

But you grew stronger as you fought against him. You locked away thoughts of Obi-Wan so well, that for just a few scary moments you even forgot who you were fighting to protect.

"Perhaps you do not even know where he is," he taunted you one day.

"Perhaps I don't," you answered blankly.

"Do you even know who you are?" He added. Your eyes immediately turned to look at him in sheer panic for a moment as you realized you don't know that either. He chuckled at your reaction as he left the room swiftly, leaving you to suffer in silence.

Of course you knew who you were. But there were moments that you completely forgot, no thanks to him.

"Ani, this isn't you," you pleaded to the empty room, knowing he was listening. "I know you," you continued. You stared blankly ahead of you. "Padmé wouldn't have wanted this for you." You let your head drop.

Gathering your thoughts, you intentionally projected some memories of Padmé to him.

_"I'm expecting!" Your jaw dropped in shock._

_You screamed joyfully as you pulled her into a hug._

"She was so happy," you droned on.

_Padmé stole a meiloorun slice off your plate. You turned to her in surprise._

_"The baby is craving it," she said with wide eyes, in defense. You grumbled playfully, pushing the rest of the fruit in her direction. Her eyes lit up._

"She glowed, Anakin," you sighed. "Gods, she was possibly the most beautiful pregnant woman I had ever seen."

_You observed Anakin and Padme whispering to each other lovingly as you laid in the grass next to them. You couldn't help the smile that made its way onto your face._

"You once said that I couldn't possibly know how to love someone the way you did her. I thought you were wrong, Anakin. Because I was so blindly in love with you, yes I admit it! But what I felt for you fell so short of what you shared with her...and I see that now." Tears started streaming down your face.

"How can you easily forget that? I know what it is to love," you said as an image of Obi-Wan's face flashed in your mind. "I finally understand. But it would take me dying to forget it. I'm sorry, Anakin," you sobbed. "But you're going to have to kill me because I'll never give him up."

You heard the door swoosh as he stomps inside angrily. You only caught a glimpse of him before he hit you across the face. You spat out to the side, tasting blood.

"Don't you understand?" He hissed at you. "If I don't kill you, if you don't give me what I want, _he'll kill you_. And it won't be swift either."

"It can't be any worse than what I've endured with you," you murmur, almost in a daze. He stood there, his chest heaving, his glare on you, for a few seconds too long. Too long for you not to realize that the surrounding coldness around him lifted just a bit.

You distinctly remember a conversation you had with Obi-Wan.

_You and Anakin were not getting along quite yet._

_"You have to forgive him. He didn't have the training you did as a youngling. So all these emotions swirling inside of him, he doesn't quite know what to do with them. So they manifest themselves in ways you would never expect."_

_"Like when he's scared-"_

_"He grows angry."_

_You stared at him in astonishment, finally finding a piece to the puzzle that is Anakin Skywalker._

He feels too much.

He seemed to take in your face of understanding. He laughed humorlessly as he turned his back on you.

"You're scared," you realized, out loud. He paused for a moment, only glancing at you over his shoulder. "For me."

His silence told you everything.

"It's a weakness," he said with finality.

"No, Anakin, listen, if you can remember to be scared, then you can remember how to love. Do you remember the time I almost went to the council about you and Padmé? Do you remember what you said to me?"

No response.

"You asked me why the order would ever think that loving someone, the way you loved Padme, the way that I love-" your voice choked up at the thought of _him_ waiting for you to come home. "You asked me why they would believe loving someone unconditionally, wholeheartedly was wrong. And I didn't know, Anakin! We didn't know!" Your entire body collapsed against the metal table, in defeat. "Because we honestly believed it wasn't wrong."

He still faced away from you but you heard the unmistakable sound of his sabers being ignited.

"But ultimately, it falls to you, Anakin, what you choose to believe."

"I believe," he started before whirling around to face you, "that your weakness for me will be the death of you." He raised his sabers above your head and you closed your eyes, finally accepting your end.

_I'm sorry, Obi-Wan._

You heard the drone of the sabers come down on you...and your shackles released above you. You collapsed onto the ground as you looked up at him in confusion. He grabbed your arm as he pulled you to your feet.

Neither of you said a word.

…

When Obi-Wan caught sight of you in the blazing distance, he practically dropped everything and stumbled toward you. Your heart galloped in your chest as he closed the distance and pulled you into his arms. The tears were non-stop as he kissed all over your face incessantly.

"Darling," his voice choked up at the sight of you.

"I'm fine," you assured him as you buried your face in his neck. He shook his head as more tears streamed down his face.

"Where are they?" You asked suddenly, pulling away. You looked behind him as you heard heavy footsteps racing toward you.

They yelled your name in disbelief and joy as they crashed into you, knocking all of you to the ground. 

Their giggles were such a relief to hear after such an ordeal. Luke was especially happy, burying his face into your neck just as he did as an infant.

"You're really here," he whispered. You kissed the top of his head. You pulled Leia into your arms, kissing her forehead. 

"My gods, I have missed you both dearly."

…

In the distance he watched your little reunion with trepidation.

_No wonder you wouldn't give him up. Not when he has your family to protect._

"Do we move in on their location, my Lord?"

He observed the scene for a few more moments before turning away, heading back toward his ship. His black cape flowed behind him soundlessly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a tad late, I apologize!
> 
> But let me know what you think in a comment!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This bit is kinda a fix-it.

Chapter 11

"He has to know," you whispered to him, his arms tight around you.

You were both lying in bed, whispering furiously to each other in the dark. The twins had just drifted off in the next room. 

"Absolutely not," he growled in response.

"You don't understand, Obi-Wan. Something has changed. He let me go, didn't he?"

"I'm pretty sure he has something up his sleeve, maybe he's just lying in wait for the perfect moment to pounce on us. Speaking of, we're packing and leaving tomorrow. We're no longer safe here-"

"Stop," you said, grabbing his hands. "He's their father, and they deserve to know, too!"

"Not when he's a psychopathic serial killer whose only goal is to kill me!" You open your mouth to reply but all you do is glare at him. "I should've killed him. I hesitated," he lamented. "And now my family is paying for it." You couldn't help your heart melting at being called his family. Your hand stroked his cheek gently. He grabbed your hand and held it against his cheek.

"There is light still in him, Obi-Wan. I sensed it. Don't you trust me?" You asked, searching his eyes.

"He _hurt_ you," his voice choked up, remembering, _seeing_ it in your eyes, on your face. "I don't understand how you can forget that so easily."

"You hurt _him_ ," you reminded him gently. He shut his eyes, tears flooding down his face in defeat.

"I'm scared for them," he whispered, resting his head on your stomach, breathing you in. "I'm scared for _you_."

"They're his children with the woman he loved, Obi-Wan. This isn't about me, it never has been," you said as you pulled him up to your face, kissing him gently. He inhaled sharply as he contemplated your words.

But true to his word, Obi-wan packed up what little belongings you all had the very next day.

"At least until we get a plan sorted out," he said in response to your protest.

As you walked out of the little house you called home for the past years, you couldn't help but feel a little nostalgic at leaving it behind. As the three of them walked ahead of you, you couldn't help but look back at the house.

"I know you really loved it. It's ok to be sad," Obi-Wan said, as he walked back to your side. He reached for your hand and you squeezed it tightly.

"No, I'm sad because this is where I discovered true happiness, Obi-Wan. But my home will forever be with you," you gazed longingly at the house before turning away.

You didn't let go of his hand and you didn't look back this time.

Obi-Wan was able to bribe the pilot crew of a transport ship to smuggle you all out of Tatooine. As of yet, you still did not have a clue where to head next.

As you all settled in the cargo hold on the transport ship, you held Luke and Leia tightly in your arms.

"Can you tell us the story of the greatest Jedi of all time again?" Leia asked, her wide, innocent eyes sparkling up at you. You felt your heart squeeze in your chest as that story has become ever so relevant as of late.

"Yes! I _love_ that story," Luke said, as he settled further into your arms. "Especially the part where he falls in love with a queen." You looked over at Obi-Wan. He avoided your gaze as he looked around the ship.

"The greatest Jedi of all time, huh?" You cracked a smile at Leia. "Well, he had a rough start of it in the beginning…" you began recounting.

…

Hours later you were startled from your sleep as the ship suddenly lurched out of hyperspace. It didn't feel natural, however, it felt forced. Like something pulled the ship out of hyperspace.

You and Obi-Wan must have shared the same thoughts as you shared a concerned look. Suddenly one of the crew members burst into the cargo hold, chest heaving.

"We've been pulled out of hyperspace and now we're being pulled onto one of the Empire's ships. Do you think you can make it on one of the escape pods?"

"No," Obi-Wan sighed deeply as he processed the situation. "I'm afraid it's too late for that."

"What do we do?" You asked, worriedly.

Leia softly said your name, capturing your attention. "I'm cold," she shivered severely. You wrapped your arms around her figure, trying to warm her up.

"I think it's time for a very long overdue family reunion."

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion until you also started to feel the coldness seep into your bones once again. You shivered as your ears started to pick up on what sounded like an entire army boarding the ship.

Obi-Wan grabbed your hand and squeezed reassuringly.

When they finally found all of you, they grabbed you by the arms forcefully pulling you to your feet. Leia glared at the trooper who put their hands on you. You subtly shook your head at her. Her demeanor faltered but you could already see so much of Padme inside of her.

They dragged all of you onto the ship, and by the size of it, it wasn’t just any ship.

After various twists and turns, you were halted in front of a large door. It swooshed open and you were all thrusted inside.

You found yourself faced with the Emperor. He said nothing as he stared down at you. Beside him was Vader, his gaze focused on Obi-Wan. He didn't even acknowledge the children between the both of you.

"In the grand scheme of things, I realize your importance, Jedi." Palpatine stood with his arms interlocked, staring you down.

He nodded to someone behind you and you suddenly felt a rough hand on your shoulder as they forced you to your knees. Leia looked over at you worriedly. You reached out to her in the force to reassure her. She nodded subtly.

"Apprentice," he suddenly said, turning to Vader. "You have let me down once by disobeying my orders. I'm allowing you the opportunity to redeem yourself." Vader didn't respond but his gaze never left Obi-Wan’s form. You could sense something festering underneath his suit, but you couldn't be sure.

"And only then can you enact your revenge on Obi-Wan. As a gift to you," he continued, a sneer on his face. Your lip curled up in disgust as you caught a glimpse of what he was hiding underneath his exterior.

"No! Please don't!" Leia shouted suddenly as she leapt into Obi-Wan's arms, as if trying to shield him. This is when Vader suddenly honed in on them.

"And what of the children?" Vader asked, now focused on Luke. Luke hadn't said a word yet, but instead he was very focused on Vader, taking in every detail about him.

"Obi-Wan's lineage must perish," Palpatine said. Vader ignited his lightsaber, the red glow reflecting off all your faces.

"These are not Obi-Wan's children," you say quietly, silently accepting your fate.

His head snapped to face you.

"We don't have time to listen about your indiscretions," Palpatine sneered. "Apprentice, you know what to do."

"Vader," Obi-Wan began, glancing over at you. "Luke and Leia are not our children," he said.

"Luke, Leia," you said gently. They both turned to look at you, terror in their eyes. "What is your last name?"

"Apprentice," Palpatine hissed.

Luke looked up at Obi-Wan for reassurance. He nodded at him. But he shook his head and shrunk back against you.

"Skywalker," Leia said, confidently.

"Like the greatest Jedi of all time," Luke quipped, before burying his face in your arms.

"Lies," Palpatine said, turning to Vader. "They only wish to deceive you." As he said this he held up a hand, squeezing your neck using the force. You clawed at the invisible hand at your neck as you were lifted off the ground.

"No! Put her down!" Luke yelled as he clinged to your foot. "Let her go!"

"Apprentice, this is your last chance," he said as you saw black dots lining your vision.

"They're alive...Anakin...Padmé died but...they didn't," you choked out.

Vader stood there processing this information when suddenly he also saw Luke being lifted in the air. Obi-Wan leapt toward him but he was held in a headlock by a trooper. He struggled against him, trying to help the both of you. 

Obi-Wan watched on in horror as he stood there, helpless. He felt his heart seize as Luke clawed at his throat.

"Do something!" Obi-Wan yelled at Vader.

Vader, _Anakin_ , suddenly, at hearing the command from his former master, without a second thought, whirled around and plunged his saber into Palpatine. Palpatine released his hold on both you and Luke and staggered backwards. Palpatine looked at Anakin in shock for just a moment before a sick grin took over his face.

"And now the apprentice becomes the master," he said before bursting into maniacal laughter. "Well done, my apprentice." He collapsed onto his back. "Well done."

Anakin stood there silently, as he watched his former master perish before his eyes.

You coughed harshly as Obi-Wan rubbed your back reassuringly. Luke held on tight to you and Leia was on the other side of you, her small hand on your shoulder. But she wasn't looking at you, she was looking at _him._ Anakin. She silently moved toward him but Obi-Wan caught her hand. She turned to look down at him. He shook her head at her but you placed your hand on his shoulder. He turned to you and silently pleaded to you with his eyes.

"Let her go," you whispered, your voice hoarse from Palpatine's assault. Obi-Wan's eyes filled with tears and even then he hesitated. 

"She's just a little girl, she's-" his voice cracked. Leia just watched him silently. "She's _my little girl_." You squeezed his shoulder reassuringly. He tried to blink away the tears but nodded in defeat. He let go of her. She didn't hesitate for a moment before moving next to Anakin's side.

He stood there, motionless, his arms at his side, as he stared at his former master's body.

Leia reached out for his hand, but stopped. She looked back at you once more. You nodded, encouraging her. She put her small hand in his leather clothed one. He felt the small tug and turned his head to face her.

"Do you know the story of the greatest jedi of all time?" He didn't respond as he stared down at her.

"It's a great story," Luke said, from your arms. "He falls in love with a queen."

"A queen," he said, a hint of amusement in his voice.

"The most beautiful queen of the galaxy," Leia continued.

"More like the universe," he corrected her.

"So you have heard it!" Leia's face perked up as she beamed up at him. He doesn't respond as he finally takes in her face, silently questioning how he possibly could have not realized how much she looks like Padmé.

"Heard it?" He turned to face her fully. "I know him."

"Know him? I thought he died," her nose scrunched up in confusion as she turned around to look at you.

A smile made its way onto your face.

"No, Leia," you smiled at Anakin. "He's very much alive."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That concludes our story with our dear reader! Thank you so much for reading along and commenting. It makes it all worth it!
> 
> I do have an extra chapter that I'm kinda holding hostage. 😏 It does go into Anakin's mind a bit. I might post it as a standalone or as a chapter on this work. So keep an eye out for that!
> 
> Again, thank you so much for reading!


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